But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
