I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
