its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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