I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
