I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
