My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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