I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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