Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
