Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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