Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
