My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
