Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
