Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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