I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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