I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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