Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
