Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
