I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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