There is no way he is gay with that hair.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
