you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
