Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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