i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
