You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
