...so i touched it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
