so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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