i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
