Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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