Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
