She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I cut my penus on the lid.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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