Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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