I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
