don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
