"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
