I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
