Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
