i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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