He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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