I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
