This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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