I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
