Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
