I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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