Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
