There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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