You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
