he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
