so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
