Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
