How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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