I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i dont even know how to be here
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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