All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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