I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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