No awkward lesbian experiences without me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
