im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
